【TED】为什么我们会生气——为什么愤怒是健康的 | Why we get mad — and why it’s healthy

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2019年10月27日08:25:41【TED】为什么我们会生气——为什么愤怒是健康的 | Why we get mad — and why it’s healthy已关闭评论 255 次浏览
【TED】为什么我们会生气——为什么愤怒是健康的 | Why we get mad — and why it's healthy

愤怒研究者瑞安·马丁(Ryan Martin)在他研究人们生气的原因以及其健康而有用的效果的研究中收获了许多。“你的愤怒存在于你的脑中…因为它提供给了你人类或者非人类的祖先一个进化中的优势”,他说,“这是你生命当中一种有力而健康的力量”。

中英文对照字幕

Alright, so I want you to imagine that you get a text from a friend, and it reads … "You will NOT believe what just happened. I'm SO MAD right now!" So you do the dutiful thing as a friend, and you ask for details. And they tell you a story about what happened to them at the gym or at work or on their date last night. And you listen and you try to understand why they're so mad. Maybe even secretly judge whether or not they should be so mad.

让我们一起想象一下,如果你的朋友发给你一条短信说,“你不会相信刚刚发生了什么!我现在好生气!”所以你尽了作为一个朋友的义务,询问具体的细节。然后他们告诉了你他们在健身房,在工作场所或昨晚的约会上所发生的事情。你认真聆听,并试图搞清楚是什么让他们这么生气。也许你也在偷偷地评判他们应不应该这么生气。

And maybe you even offer some suggestions. Now, in that moment, you are doing essentially what I get to do every day, because I'm an anger researcher, and as an anger researcher, I spend a good part of my professional life -- who am I kidding, also my personal life -- studying why people get mad. I study the types of thoughts they have when they get mad, and I even study what they do when they get mad, whether it's getting into fights or breaking things, or even yelling at people in all caps on the internet.

也许你甚至会提供一些建议。在那个时刻,你们在做的事情基本是我每天都要做的,因为我是一个研究愤怒的人,作为一个愤怒研究者,我花费了职业生涯大部分的时间——开什么玩笑,也是我个人的大部分时间——来研究人们为什么生气。我研究了他们生气时的所有想法,我甚至还研究了当他们生气时的行为,不管是开始打架或者摔东西,或者是用全部大写的强调语气对着网友大骂一通。

And as you can imagine, when people hear I'm an anger researcher, they want to talk to me about their anger, they want to share with me their anger stories. And it's not because they need a therapist, though that does sometimes happen, it's really because anger is universal. It's something we all feel and it's something they can relate to. We've been feeling it since the first few months of life, when we didn't get what we wanted in our cries of protests, things like, "What do you mean you won't pick up the rattle, Dad, I want it!"

所以你可以想象当人们知道我是一个愤怒研究者时,他们想要跟我聊聊他们的愤怒,他们想要跟我分享他们的愤怒故事。这不是因为他们需要一个心理医师,虽然有时候的确是这样,但事实上是因为愤怒是普遍的。这是我们都能感觉到而且都能理解的某种东西。我们从出生的前几个月就开始感受到愤怒了,就比如当我们在无法得到我们想要的东西时,我们抗议地哭泣,就像是说“你为啥不拿拨浪鼓啊老爸?我要它!”

We feel it throughout our teenage years, as my mom can certainly attest to with me. Sorry, Mom. We feel it to the very end. In fact, anger has been with us at some of the worst moments of our lives. It's a natural and expected part of our grief. But it's also been with us in some of the best moments of our lives, with those special occasions like weddings and vacations often marred by these everyday frustrations -- bad weather, travel delays -- that feel horrible in the moment, but then are ultimately forgotten when things go OK.

我们在青少年岁月中一直在感受它,老妈可以给我作证。对不住啦,老妈。我们一直到生命的尽头都一直在感受它。事实上,愤怒在我们人生中一些最糟糕的时刻都如影随形。这是在我们人生中一种自然且可预见的部分。但是,它在我们人生中某些最好的时刻也同样如影随形,比如在婚礼或者假期等特殊场合中通常会被一些时常发生的意外坏了兴致——比如坏天气,旅途中的延误——在这些时候我们都感觉很糟糕,但是这些不愉快的事情最终总会在事情好转后被忘记。

I have a lot of conversations with people about their anger and it's through those conversations that I've learned that many people, and I bet many people in this room right now, you see anger as a problem. You see the way it interferes in your life, the way it damages relationships, maybe even the ways it's scary. And while I get all of that, I see anger a little differently, and today, I want to tell you something really important about your anger, and it's this: anger is a powerful and healthy force in your life. It's good that you feel it. You need to feel it.

我和许多人进行了很多关于他们的愤怒的谈话,在这些谈话之中我认识到,在很多人心里,我可以打赌,就现在这个房间中的很多人,愤怒被你们看做是一个问题。你们认为愤怒干扰了你们的生活,它破坏了人际关系,甚至可能你们认为它很吓人。在我理解你们这些观点的同时,我对愤怒的看法有一点不同,今天,我要告诉你们一些真的很重要的关乎你们的愤怒的事情,是这样的:愤怒是我们生活中一种强大而又健康的力量。你能感觉到它,这很好。你需要去感受它。

But to understand all that, we actually have to back up and talk about why we get mad in the first place. A lot of this goes back to the work of an anger researcher named Dr. Jerry Deffenbacher, who wrote about this back in 1996 in a book chapter on how to deal with problematic anger. Now, for most of us, and I bet most of you, it feels as simple as this: I get mad when I'm provoked. You hear it in the language people use. They say things like, "It makes me so mad when people drive this slow," or, "I got mad because she left the milk out again." Or my favorite, "I don't have an anger problem -- people just need to stop messing with me."

但是,若想要完全理解它,我们需要退一步,先来谈一谈为什么我们会生气。这个话题的很大一部分要追溯到一位愤怒研究者的著作。JerryDeffenbacher博士在1996年写了这本关于愤怒这方面的书,在该书的一个章节里面他提到了如何处理有问题的愤怒。对于我们中的大部分来说,,我敢打赌你们中的大部分人对于愤怒的感觉是这样:当我被激怒时,我会变得很生气。你会在人们所用的语言中感受到它。他们会说这样的话,“那些人开车开得这么慢,让我好生气!”或者说,“我这么生气是因为她又忘了把牛奶放回冰箱!”我最爱这种说法,“我没有愤怒的问题——只希望其他人不要再干预我的事了。”

Now, in the spirit of better understanding those types of provocations, I ask a lot of people, including my friends and colleagues and even family, "What are the things that really get to you? What makes you mad?" By the way, now is a good time to point out one of the advantages of being an anger researcher is that I've spent more than a decade generating a comprehensive list of all the things that really irritate my colleagues. Just in case I need it.

回到现在,为了更好地理解这些让人恼怒的类型,我问了很多人,包括我的朋友,同事,甚至是家人,“什么事情能真的惹到你?什么能让你特别生气?”顺便说一下,现在是一个很好的时机来指出作为一名愤怒研究人员的一个优势,那就是我花了十多年的时间,列出了所有真正让我的同事感到愤怒的事情。以防万一我要用到。

But their answers are fascinating, because they say things like, "when my sports team loses," "people who chew too loudly." That is surprisingly common, by the way. "People who walk too slowly," that one's mine. And of course, "roundabouts." Roundabouts --

但他们所给出的答案十分有趣,因为他们给出的答案是:“当我喜欢的队伍输了我生气,”“那些人吃饭吧唧嘴让我生气。”顺带一提,这是十分普遍的答案。“那些人走路太慢让我生气”,这是我的答案。还有,“说话拐弯抹角让我生气”。拐弯抹角——

I can tell you honestly, there is no rage like roundabout rage.

我可以坦诚的说,世界上没有一种愤怒比得上对说话拐弯抹角的怒气!

Sometimes their answers aren't minor at all. Sometimes they talk about racism and sexism and bullying and environmental destruction -- big, global problems we all face. But sometimes, their answers are very specific, maybe even oddly specific. "That wet line you get across your shirt when you accidentally lean against the counter of a public bathroom."

有的时候他们的答案非常重要。有时候他们的答案涉及到种族歧视,性别歧视和霸凌,还有环境破坏——这些都是我们所要共同面对的全球性重要问题。但有时候,他们的答案十分详细,甚至详细得不同寻常。“当你一不小心靠在了公共浴室的柜台上,那条留在你衣服上的水渍令人十分恼火。”

Super gross, right?

超级恶心,对不对?

Or "Flash drives: there's only two ways to plug them in, so why does it always take me three tries?"

或者说“U盘这东西,只有两种方式插进去,为什么它老是要我试三次才能插进去呢?”

Now whether it's minor or major, whether it's general or specific, we can look at these examples and we can tease out some common themes. We get angry in situations that are unpleasant, that feel unfair, where our goals are blocked, that could have been avoided, and that leave us feeling powerless. This is a recipe for anger. But you can also tell that anger is probably not the only thing we're feeling in these situations. Anger doesn't happen in a vacuum. We can feel angry at the same time that we're scared or sad, or feeling a host of other emotions.

无论这些问题重要与否,不管它详细与否,我们都可以通过研究这些样本挖掘出一些共同的主题。我们在令人不愉快的情况下会生气,在感到不公时,在无法达到目标的情况下会生气,尤其是当这些都可以避免,让我们感觉到无力时我们会生气。这就是愤怒的组成。但是你也可以分辨出愤怒也许不是我们在这些场景中所感受到的唯一东西。愤怒不会凭空而来。我们在感到害怕或者伤心的同时会感到愤怒,或者当感受到一大堆其他情绪的同时。

But here's the thing: these provocations -- they aren't making us mad. At least not on their own, and we know that, because if they were, we'd all get angry over the same things, and we don't. The reasons I get angry are different than the reasons you get angry, so there's got to be something else going on. What is that something else? Well, we know what we're doing and feeling at the moment of that provocation matters. We call this the pre-anger state -- are you hungry, are you tired, are you anxious about something else, are you running late for something? When you're feeling those things, those provocations feel that much worse. But what matters most is not the provocation, it's not the pre-anger state, it's this: it's how we interpret that provocation, it's how we make sense of it in our lives.

但是要注意一点:这些刺激其实并不会让我们生气。至少不是唯一的原因,因为我们知道,如果它们是生气的原因,我们会一直因为同一件事情而生气,但是我们并没有。我生气的理由和你的不同,所以一定有其它因素在起作用。这些因素是什么呢?在受到刺激的时候,我们知道自己的行为和想法。我们将这种状态称作“预生气状态”——你饿吗?你累吗?你对其他事物感到焦虑吗?你快要迟到了吗?当你感受到了这些事情的时候,你会对这些刺激因素感觉更糟糕。但是最重要的不是这些挑因素,也不是“预生气状态”,而是这个:是我们如何去理解这些挑衅,是我们在生活中如何去理解它。

When something happens to us, we first decide, is this good or bad? Is it fair or unfair, is it blameworthy, is it punishable? That's primary appraisal, it's when you evaluate the event itself. We decide what it means in the context of our lives and once we've done that, we decide how bad it is. That's secondary appraisal. We say, "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened, or can I cope with this?

当我们遭遇了一些事情的时候,我们首先会思考,这是好事还是坏事?这是公平的吗?是应该受到谴责和惩罚的吗?当你对这件事本身进行评估时,这就是最原始的评估。我们基于人生的经历去理解这件事情的意义,并且只要我们完成这个过程,就可以定义这件事情糟糕的程度。这是第二级的评估。我们在考虑,“这是有史以来最糟糕的事情吗?我可以应付得了吗?”

Now, to illustrate that, I want you to imagine you are driving somewhere. And before I go any further, I should tell you, if I were an evil genius and I wanted to create a situation that was going to make you mad, that situation would look a lot like driving.

为了说明这一点,我想让大家想象一下你正在开车去某个地方。我要先提醒你,如果我是一个邪恶的天才,而且我想创造一个能让你恼怒的情境,这个情境看起来会和开车很像。

It's true. You are, by definition, on your way somewhere, so everything that happens -- traffic, other drivers, road construction -- it feels like it's blocking your goals. There are all these written and unwritten rules of the road, and those rules are routinely violated right in front of you, usually without consequence. And who's violating those rules? Anonymous others, people you will never see again, making them a very easy target for your wrath.

这是真的。按照假设,你在去某个地方的路上,所以在途中所发生的一切——堵车,其他司机,道路施工——都像是在阻碍你去往目的地。在路上也有很多明文规定的或者约定俗成的规矩,但这些规则都经常在你面前被其他人违反,违规后通常是没有后果的。谁在违反规则呢?不知名的其他人,你永远不会再见第二次的人,很容易就让他们变成了你怒气发泄的目标。

So you're driving somewhere, thus teed up to be angry, and the person in front of you is driving well below the speed limit. And it's frustrating because you can't really see why they're driving so slow. That's primary appraisal. You've looked at this and you've said it's bad and it's blameworthy. But maybe you also decide it's not that big a deal. You're not in a hurry, doesn't matter. That's secondary appraisal -- you don't get angry.

所以,如果你正在开车去某个地方,你会准备变得生气,并且在你前面的那个人的速度远远低于限速。这很让人不满,因为你真的不理解他们为什么开得这么慢。这就是初始的评估。你关注到了这一件事,并且你已经判断出了这是件坏事,值得被责备。但你也可能判断这不是那么严重。你不急,没关系。这是第二级的评估——你不会生气。

But now imagine you're on your way to a job interview. What that person is doing, it hasn't changed, right? So primary appraisal doesn't change; still bad, still blameworthy. But your ability to cope with it sure does. Because all of a sudden, you're going to be late to that job interview. All of a sudden, you are not going to get your dream job, the one that was going to give you piles and piles of money.

但现在想象一下你在去一个工作面试的路上。那个人行为并没有发生变化,对吗?所以初级评估并没有变化,还是坏的,还是值得责备的。但是你去应对它的能力一定发生了变化。因为突然之间,你就要在工作面试中迟到了。突然之间,你可能得不到自己梦想的工作了,那个能够给你一沓又一沓钱的工作啊。

Somebody else is going to get your dream job and you're going to be broke. You're going to be destitute. Might as well stop now, turn around, move in with your parents.

其他人将要拿到这份工作了,然后你就要破产了。你就要成为穷苦人家了。也许要现在停下来,转身回去,和你的爸妈一起住。

Why? "Because of this person in front of me. This is not a person, this is a monster."

为什么呢?“因为这个在我前面慢慢开的人。他不是人啊,是个魔鬼啊!”

And this monster is here just to ruin your life.

而且这个怪兽的出现就是为了毁掉你的生活。

Now that thought process, it's called catastrophizing, the one where we make the worst of things. And it's one of the primary types of thoughts that we know is associated with chronic anger. But there's a couple of others. Misattributing causation. Angry people tend to put blame where it doesn't belong. Not just on people, but actually inanimate objects as well. And if you think that sound ridiculous, think about the last time you lost your car keys and you said, "Where did those car keys go?" Because you know they ran off on their own.

这个思考的过程叫做灾难化,它是我们把事情做到最糟糕的情况。并且它是我们所知道的与长期愤怒联系在一起的主要思考方式之一。但还有其他几种类型。比如,错误归因:愤怒的人们常常责备毫不相关的事情。不仅仅是针对人,也针对无生命的物体上。如果你觉得这听起来很可笑,想想上次你丢了车钥匙的时候,你说“车钥匙滚哪去了?”因为你知道它们是自己走丢的。

They tend to overgeneralize, they use words like "always," "never," "every," "this always happens to me," "I never get what I want" or "I hit every stoplight on the way here today." Demandingness: they put their own needs ahead of the needs of others: "I don't care why this person is driving so slow, they need to speed up or move over so I can get to this job interview." And finally, inflammatory labeling. They call people fools, idiots, monsters, or a whole bunch of things I've been told I'm not allowed to say during this TED Talk.

愤怒的人们倾向于过度归纳,他们用一些像“经常”“从不”,“每一次都”,“这永远都发生在我身上”,“我从来得不到我要的”或者“我今天遇到了路上所有的红灯!”之类的话。又比如,过度苛责:愤怒的人将他们自己的需求放在他人需求之前:“我不关心这个人为什么开得这么慢,他需要加速或者挪开,这样我就可以按时参加面试!”最后一个,给人贴使人激怒的标签。他们叫其他人傻子,蠢货,怪兽,或者一大堆今天在演讲中我不能公开说的东西。

So for a long time, psychologists have referred to these as cognitive distortions or even irrational beliefs. And yeah, sometimes they are irrational. Maybe even most of the time. But sometimes, these thoughts are totally rational. There is unfairness in the world. There are cruel, selfish people, and it's not only OK to be angry when we're treated poorly, it's right to be angry when we're treated poorly.

所以,在很长一段时间里,心理学家把这些称为认知扭曲,或者甚至是不合逻辑的信念。的确是啊,他们本身有时候就是不合逻辑的。也许甚至是大多数时候。但是有时候,他们的想法又是完全符合逻辑的。世界上的确有不公平。的确有残忍的,自私的人,当我们被恶劣地对待时,变得生气不仅仅是可以接受的,更是正确的。

If there's one thing I want you to remember from my talk today, it's this: your anger exists in you as an emotion because it offered your ancestors, both human and nonhuman, with an evolutionary advantage. Just as your fear alerts you to danger, your anger alerts you to injustice. It's one of the ways your brain communicates to you that you have had enough. What's more, it energizes you to confront that injustice. Think for a second about the last time you got mad. Your heart rate increased. Your breathing increased, you started to sweat. That's your sympathetic nervous system, otherwise known as your fight-or-flight system, kicking in to offer you the energy you need to respond. And that's just the stuff you noticed. At the same time, your digestive system slowed down so you could conserve energy. That's why your mouth went dry. And your blood vessels dilated to get blood to your extremities. That's why your face went red. It's all part of this complex pattern of physiological experiences that exist today because they helped your ancestors deal with cruel and unforgiving forces of nature.

今天我想让你们记住的就是:你的愤怒作为一种情绪存在,因为它为你的祖先——不管是人类还是猿人——提供了一个进化优势。就像你的害怕让你对危险保持警惕一样,你的愤怒让你对不公正的情况保持警惕。这是你的大脑告诉你,你已经受够了的一种方式。更重要的是,愤怒激发了你去对抗这种不公正。想一想上一次你很生气的时候。你的心跳加速。你的呼吸加速,你开始冒汗。这是你的交感神经系统,又被称为逃跑或战斗反应系统,正在介入来为你提供在反应时所需要的能量。这些只是你意识到的部分。与此同时,你的消化系统放缓来为你储存能量。这就是为什么你会口干。你的血管扩张,将血液输送到你的四肢。这就是为什么你面红耳赤。这些所有生理上的复杂变化延续到了今天,因为它们帮助了你的祖先去和残酷的、不宜生存的大自然力量抗争。

And the problem is that the thing your ancestors did to deal with their anger, to physically fight, they are no longer reasonable or appropriate. You can't and you shouldn't swing a club every time you're provoked.

但问题在于,你的祖先为了应对愤怒以及战斗所做的事情,这些现在都不再是合理或者合适的表现。你不能而且也不应该在每一次被挑衅的时候都强烈反击。

But here's the good news. You are capable of something your nonhuman ancestors weren't capable of. And that is the capacity to regulate your emotions. Even when you want to lash out, you can stop yourself and you can channel that anger into something more productive. So often when we talk about anger, we talk about how to keep from getting angry. We tell people to calm down or relax. We even tell people to let it go. And all of that assumes that anger is bad and that it's wrong to feel it.

但是好消息是,你能做到某些祖先做不到的某些事情。这就是管理你情绪的能力。就算你想要咆哮的时候,你也可以让自己停下来,并且将愤怒转换成更有成效的东西。所以当我们谈到愤怒的时候,我们总是讲如何防止生气。我们告诉其他人要冷静,放松。我们甚至告诉他们要学会放手。这些都建立在愤怒是不好的,我们不应该去感受到它的假设上。

But instead, I like to think of anger as a motivator. The same way your thirst motivates you to get a drink of water, the same way your hunger motivates you to get a bite to eat, your anger can motivate you to respond to injustice. Because we don't have to think too hard to find things we should be mad about. When we go back to the beginning, yeah, some of those things, they're silly and not worth getting angry over.

其实不然,我倾向于把愤怒想作一种动力。就像你觉得口渴是你去喝水的动力,就像你感觉到饿是你去吃东西的动力,你的愤怒是你对不正义做出反应的动力。正因为我们不用太费神去找到让我们生气的东西。回到开始的话题,的确,有些事情实在是太傻了,不值得我们去生气。

But racism, sexism, bullying, environmental destruction, those things are real, those things are terrible, and the only way to fix them is to get mad first and then channel that anger into fighting back. And you don't have to fight back with aggression or hostility or violence. There are infinite ways that you can express your anger. You can protest, you can write letters to the editor, you can donate to and volunteer for causes, you can create art, you can create literature, you can create poetry and music, you can create a community that cares for one another and does not allow those atrocities to happen.

但是种族歧视,性别歧视,霸凌,环境破坏,这些事情是真实存在的,也是是很可怕的,想要解决它们的唯一办法,首先就是要生气,然后将这种愤怒转化为回击的力量。并且,你不需要带着侵略性,敌对性或者暴力去回击。有很多办法来让你表达愤怒。你可以上街游行,你可以写信给新闻社编辑,你可以捐赠并为这个事业做志愿服务,你可以创作艺术,你可以创作文学作品,你可以创作音乐与诗歌,你可以创造一个互相关照的社区,不允许这些暴行发生。

So the next time you feel yourself getting angry, instead of trying to turn it off, I hope you'll listen to what that anger is telling you. And then I hope you'll channel it into something positive and productive.

所以,下一次你感觉到你自己在生气时,与其尝试平息愤怒,不如让我们一起倾听,你的愤怒在告诉你什么。我希望大家能把这愤怒转换成一些积极的,有生产力的情绪。

Thank you.

谢谢。

下载信息 【TED】为什么我们会生气——为什么愤怒是健康的
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  • 版权声明: 发表于 2019年10月27日08:25:41
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